Languishing

I've been sick this past week and haven't felt like doing much of anything, including blogging. When my sister Miriam and her family were visiting last week I must've caught a bug from one of my nieces since several of them were sick. I started feeling poorly last Wednesday evening. My head hurt and my stomach felt sort of queasy, too. I didn't sleep well that night and woke up feeling even worse on Thursday. I was so tired, but any time I would try to rest I couldn't fall asleep. I had a fever and my body hurt, especially when my skin was touched. (Does anyone else's skin feel painful to the touch when they have a fever?)

When I woke up on Friday my headache was pretty much gone and my body didn't ache as badly, but I still felt terrible. I was exhausted because I'd been sleeping so poorly at night   I don't know if any of you can relate to this, but when I'm sick I don't sleep well at all (I've been that way since I was a kid). I toss and turn and am unable to sleep for long at all before waking up again. Since I was feverish I felt cold and wanted to be covered with a blanket, but then would wake up burning up a little while later.

I was just languishing by Saturday morning, and all I could do was sit in my recliner. Although I was tired, I couldn't fall asleep. I was bored and wanted to watch some TV to entertain myself as I tried to relax, but I feared that would prevent me from falling asleep. I usually work on my computer all day/every day if I'm at home, and I didn't even have the desire/energy to do that, so that should tell you how bad I was feeling! (I didn't get on my laptop for over a day and a half, which is very unusual for me.)

I had a few bouts of diarrhea (once on Saturday afternoon and then again on Sunday morning). I don't know if most people would announce that in a post or not, but there's really no shame since it's a fact of life  I've only had diarrhea once since becoming paralyzed, and that was nearly 8 years ago, so I'd sort of forgotten just how much it takes out of you and how it affects your insides!

By Sunday afternoon I was finally starting to feel a little better for the first time since the previous Wednesday evening. I was still incredibly weak, though, since I hadn't really eaten much of anything for four days. (I did make sure to stay hydrated, though, even though I didn't feel like drinking. I know that people often become dehydrated when they're sick, and I knew that not drinking would only make things worse for me in the long run.)

The worst thing about being sick wasn't the physical pain, but the bleak, hopeless feeling that accompanied being sick. I've realized that being sick or being in the hospital really saps my joy. Anyone who knows me knows how happy and upbeat I usually am, so feeling sad and discouraged was such a foreign feeling, and I did NOT like it! There's a huge correlation between physical pain and emotional disposition/outlook. When I physically hurt, I feel sad. Thankfully I'm feeling better now, so my joy has returned! This experience has made me even more grateful that depression isn't something I have to battle on a regular basis, like some people do. It's also given me even more compassion for people who do feel depressed, discouraged or hopeless on a regular basis.

When I'm sick, it just feels good to have someone physically near me. I'm grateful that I have such a wonderful mom and that she was so caring and attentive to me while I was feeling so awful. She even slept on the futon by me for a couple of the worst nights, and that was the best! Chandra was around, too, and even my older sister Annette who's in town for a visit. Having people you love around you is the best medicine.

I'm so grateful to be feeling better! I've got lots of blog posts to catch up on, but bear with me since there's a lto going on!