Movies #6 and #7

Earlier this year I made a list of fun things I wanted to do in 2010 that I either hadn't done before, or haven't done since my accident. (I know I've written about this list before, but I always try to be clear when writing in my blog for anyone who might be new to it.)

One thing on my list is to see 25 movies in the movie theater this year. This is a lofty goal, but I really love movies, so this would be something fun for me. I started off strong and saw five movies in January alone. I was planning on seeing a few movies in March, but then I had to change my plans when I unexpectedly ended up in the hospital. Most of March and April have been a blur since I've been hospitalized three times, have undergone surgery and several weeks of IV antibiotics at home.

Although I've run into obstacles due to my unforeseen health problems, I'm still determined to make my goal of 25 movies, so that's why I decided to see a double feature a few Saturdays ago when my younger sister Chandra was off work. The first movie we saw was Letters to God. Although this movie was a little cliché and cheesy at times, it was nice and had an inspirational message. This movie was based on a true story, so that was another plus since I love true stories.

The second movie we saw was Clash of the Titans. I'd really been looking forward to seeing this movie, and I even prepared by watching the original 1981 movie with Harry Hamlin. I was really disappointed because I kept falling asleep during the movie! I actually slept through a good majority of both movies, but it wasn't all my fault since an infection had begun brewing in my body the previous day when I had the renal stent taken out of my left kidney. All I have to say is thank goodness for Netflix because I'm going to need to watch both of these movies again!

Seven movies down and 18 to go! The next two movies that I can't wait to see are Iron Man 2 and Robin Hood; both of which come out later this month!

In the hospital...AGAIN!

I've definitely been MIA on my blog lately, but I have a good excuse... I've been in the hospital again. That makes three times this year, and I was so hoping that 2010 would be a hospital free year just like 2009 was! No such luck! Here's how everything went down...

I had surgery on April 5 to remove the kidney stones that were in my left kidney. The surgery went well and the urologist put a stent in my kidney to help it drain. (A stent is a small tube that goes from your kidney through your ureter to your bladder, and it helps everything drain after a procedure.) I had to get the stent taken out about two weeks after surgery. Fortunately this is something that can be done in the doctor's office, but I always dread it because it involves an uncomfortable and yucky procedure. It's not exactly painful, just really uncomfortable.

The appointment to have my stent taken out was Friday, April 23. Everything went well and I thought I was good to go. When I got back into my wheelchair I noticed some slight pain in my kidney, but I wasn't concerned about it considering that I'd just had a tube removed from the inside of my kidney. My mom and I left the office, and we probably should've gone straight home, but there was a church activity that I really wanted to go to, so we went to get a bite to eat before the activity started.

As the evening went on, the pain in my kidney intensified. The activity ended around 8:30 pm, and although I really wanted to socialize with my friends, I decided to go straight home. By the time I got home around 9 I was in intense pain. I decided to take a sleeping pill so that I could get a good nights sleep, and I fell asleep shortly after 10.

I thankfully slept well (which is rare for me) and when I woke up the next morning all of the pain in my kidney/lower back was gone. I was relieved that the pain had gone away, but I noticed I was much groggier than usual and it was hard to wake up. I was determined to get going, though, especially since I had big plans that day. My younger sister Chandra started working full time earlier this year, so she works almost every Saturday. I'm happy she has a job, but I miss hanging out with her and our friends on the weekend. To make a long story short, Chandra was off work so we were going to go to the movies for a double feature. Some people might not like sitting still for two movies back-to-back, but I was excited since it had been two months since I'd seen a movie at the theater.

I'll write about the movies in another post, but let's just say that I'm going to have to see both of these movies when they come out on DVD because I slept through a good majority of both of them! (Good thing I didn't pay to see them!) I got home and continued to get more and more tired. I had no appetite and absolutely no desire to eat anything for dinner -- something else that is also rare for me since I only eat two meals a day.

As the evening progressed it became apparent to my mom and Chandra that I was "going down." Around 7 in the evening I told my mom that I was feeling really badly. I was extremely lethargic, I was repeating myself and I couldn't keep anything straight. These are clear signs from my past experiences that I am becoming septic. My mom and Chandra got me ready to go to the ER at Barnes and we left.

When we arrived at the ER, my mom checked me in at the front desk and told them that my vital signs were all over the place. (My heart was racing and my pulse was about 125/sec, I had a fever, my blood pressure was dropping and the oxygen saturation in my blood was in the low 90's.) I was taken back right away, and this was the last thing I remembered for a few hours.

The long story short is that things got stirred up the previous day when my urologist took the stent out of my kidney, so an infection had begun to brew in my body. I'm not sure how the infection gets into my bloodstream, but once it does, it doesn't take long to start taking over.

I spent the next four days in the hospital. The first 48 hours we were waiting for the blood cultures to come back to see what bug I had and what drugs would be resistant to it. I was disappointed, but not shocked to find out that the antibiotic I needed to fight the infection had to be administered intravenously. (I was hoping for an oral antibiotic, but I was expecting an IV antibiotic.) The next hurdle was getting some kind of line started so that we would have access to my veins so that I could do my two weeks of antibiotics at home. This was easier said than done. A picc line in my arm wasn't an option this time, so I had to get a central line put into the subclavian artery in my chest. Getting a central line is much more invasive than getting an IV or even a picc line, but fortunately they were able to get it done on Wednesday morning without too much trouble.

Although I was only in the hospital for four days, it felt like a lot longer. I was first told that I could go home on Monday night. That turned into Tuesday and Tuesday turned into Wednesday. I was on a normal patient floor, so either my mom or my sister had to spend the night with me each night. Thankfully I was in a big enough room so that they could have their own hospital bed to sleep in. Even still, it was a lot of extra work for them.

I came home on Wednesday evening and it feels great to be back home! I really could use a nice, long break from being hospitalized. I'd like a good 18 months before being hospitalized again! 18 months isn't long, but I'm only being realistic since I know that I'm going to be plagued with kidney stones and other urological problems for the rest of my life! I can't complain, though, because I'm really very healthy for someone in my situation. I know my health could be so much worse than it is.

Glad to be back home doing the things I love!

Things I miss

Sometimes people have asked me what kinds of things I miss that I can no longer do anymore. There are a lot of things I miss; some big and some small, and some things you might not even think of or expect.

One thing I really miss is being able to show physical affection to others. I miss being able to shake hands or touch people in a gesture of friendship and support. I especially miss being able to give people hugs. Not being able to put my arms around a friend or loved one and squeeze them close to me is something I really miss.

I miss driving a car.

I miss being able to dress the way I used to, and the way I wish I still could. Since I'm always in a sitting position there are just some kinds of clothes/fabrics that I can't wear because it's hard to get them smooth and looking nice. Before my accident I loved shopping and I always dressed very well. Now I feel like I look dumpy a lot of the time.

I miss carrying a purse. (Strange, I know, but I really like purses/bags and it's too bad that I can't carry one anymore.) I also miss wearing coats. I LOVE coats, and  now I can't wear them anymore (imagine how difficult it would be trying to put a coat on someone who's in a wheelchair and can't move.

I miss being able to exercise. I wasn't an exercise fanatic by any means before my accident, but I know if I recovered I would be one now!) I've gotten used to not being able to move, but I really miss it.

I miss being able to work and make money. I was so excited to get a job/make money that I started working at a local movie theater on my 16th birthday. I worked 30 to 40 hours a week for the next 3 1/2 years until I had my accident. I especially loved working as an associate manager at the movie theater when I graduated from high school. Seriously, I loved my job and I loved working!

I miss going to nursing school. One of the things that disappoints me is that I was never able to finish nursing school. I loved everything I was learning, and I would've loved to finish school before my accident happened. I think it would be really cool to be able to tell people that I am an RN, even if I am paralyzed. I wouldn't be able to do the practical skills, but I would have the knowledge. I really wish I would've at least been able to finish my LPN year (licensed practical nurse), but that's not how things went. I know that there are no "do-overs" in life, but if I could go back and do things differently, I would've gone straight to nursing school after high school, instead of spending a year at UMSL. If I had done that, then I would've been finished with four of the five semesters of the RN program, instead of only almost finished with my first semester. It doesn't really matter what I would've done, but if I could do things differently, this is what I would've done.

Another strange thing I miss is being able to clean. I liked cleaning and having everything in order. I wish I could still contribute to the cleaning and household work because it was always something I enjoyed. (Most of the time!)

Most of all, I think, I miss being independent. I'm an adult, but I have to rely on others for all of my physical needs... bathing, eating, getting dressed, etc. It would be so nice to be self-sufficient again!

Something to Think About

When I was at the Galleria last Saturday I saw a poster in a store window that said, "What brings you joy?" and there was a picture of a pair of stiletto heels under the words. I immediately thought, "I know what brings ME joy." Although there are a lot of tangible things that bring me joy, the thing that brings me the most joy is my knowledge of who I am and what life is all about.

I know that life on earth is just a mandatory stepping stone to get everyone to the next life. It seems like so many people in the world think that when they die that's the end of their life. What a depressing thought! I'm so glad that I know that there is so much more to life than the living we do here on earth. If I didn't know this I would feel very angry that my one chance at life was drastically altered through no fault of my own. I would feel bitter that I wouldn't be able to experience all of the things that life has to offer.

I'm one of the happiest people I know and I think a lot of other people would be happier if they knew what I know. It's true that "bad things happen to good people." However, when bad things happen and when trials come it's at that time that you can either embrace your challenges and become a better person, or you can let your challenges make you bitter. The latter is probably in the easier option, but for me personally, I know I would be missing out on so many awesome opportunities if I didn't try to make the very best of my situation. I hope I don't sound too pious or like I'm doing a better job than everyone else, but I know if I can be happy and positive, you can too! Sometimes life seems like a long, never ending road, but with a positive attitude and a reliance on the Lord I know ALL things are possible, no matter how daunting they seem!

This is what brings me the most joy!

My new nephew

I realized today that I never wrote about my new nephew, Matthew Johnson Leigh, who was born three weeks ago on Wednesday, March 24. This was my sister Sharon's fifth baby, but her first boy. When Sharon had her ultrasound last year to find out the sex of her baby I remember feeling shocked when she told me it was a boy. I was just expecting her to have a family of all girls.

I knew that Sharon was being induced and I waited all day for her to call with the news that Baby Matthew had arrived. Things got started a little bit late in the day, so Mattie wasn't born until 4:53 in the afternoon. (I'm always so excited to get the phone call that my new nieces/nephews have arrived!)

Here are a few pictures of Sharon and her new Little Guy (hopefully she won't mind me posting pictures of her on my blog):

Elizabeth and Kate checking out their new baby brother: I love these pictures because they just say "motherhood" to me:
Here's baby Matthew a few days after coming home from the hospital:What a cutie! I can't wait to meet him later this summer!