"The Mansion"

Last December my mom read the book The Mansion by Henry Van Dyke to me and we decided to read it again this year since it kind of has a Christmas-like feel to it. It's actually not at all about Christmas, but the reason I think it has a Christmas feel to it is because it's very similar to Charles Dickens' A Christmas Carol in some important ways. The premise of the book is that the main character, John Weightman, dreams one night that he dies and meets a group of people traveling to the heavenly city to receive the mansions that they've earned in their life. The mansions are large and beautiful and John expectantly waits for his. Everyone else in the group has been shown to their mansions and John asks the guide, "When are we going to get to my mansion?" He figured that surely his mansion must be just as nice, if not nicer than all of the mansions he'd seen thus far.

Long story short,  John's "mansion" turned out to be nothing more than a lowly shack. He was sure there must be some sort of mistake, after all, in his earthly life he'd had the best of the best of everything. After questioning his guide he finds out that he certainly had had his mansion in life, but since he'd been so stingy and unwilling to share his wealth with others in life, the mansion he'd "earned" was nothing more than shack. (This is a sweet book with an important message, so I hope I'm explaining it well.)

This is a short passage from the book. (To put things into context, it's when John finds out that he only qualifies for a shack because of the way he lived his life on earth.

“But how have I failed so wretchedly,” he asked, “in all the purpose of my life? What could I have done better? What is it that counts here?”

“Only that which is truly given,” answered the bell-like voice. “Only that good which is done for the love of doing it. Only those plans in which the welfare of others is the master thought. Only those labors in which the sacrifice is greater than the reward. Only those gifts in which the giver forgets himself.”The sentiment expressed in The Mansion reminds me of the Sermon on the Mount, found in Matthew 6:2-4, where it says, "Therefore when thou doest thine alms, do not sonud a trumpet before thee, as they that the hypocrites do in the synagogues and in the streets, that they may have glory of men. Verily I say unto you, They have their reward. But when thou doest alms, let not thy right hand know what thy left hand doeth: That thine alms may be in secret: and thy father which seeth in secret himself shall reward thee openly."

(As a side note, sometimes I wonder what type of mansion some people in the world like Oprah, for example, will receive since they tend to be so open/vocal about all of the good they do. Not that I'm trying to judge, but it's interesting to speculate about.)

The part of the book that I especially relate to is the paralyzed woman who receive a mansion. This is a direct quote from the book, "—a paralyzed woman who had lain for thirty years upon her bed, helpless but not hopeless, succeeding by a miracle of courage in her single aim, never to complain, but always to impart a bit of joy and peace to everyone who came near her." (I haven't been paralyzed 30 years yet, but I DO try to spread joy to all those I come into contact with.)

This post is just a little food for thought to remember this holiday season (and always).

Maiden Voyage I & II

I recently wrote about getting my new wheelchair, but I realized I haven't followed up on how I'm liking it. I only use my wheelchai when I actually go out in public, but when I stay at home (like I do most days) I opt to sit in my recliner since it's much more comfortable.

Anyway, I took my wheelchair out on its maiden voyage when I went to church last Sunday. As soon as I got in it I started noticing things that didn't feel quite right. I also noticed differences when I was actually riding in the van, too. In my old wheelchair I fit so snugly, which is what I like so that my body feels as supported as possible. Since my new wheelchair is an inch wider I felt myself being jostled around quite a bit more, especially while in the van. So the next day I had my mom call Larry (the man that adjusts my wheelchair) and he came a few days later to make some adjustments.

I took my wheelchair out again this past weekend for another test spin. The adjustments Larry made helped a lot, so round two felt even more comfortable than the first. The thing for all of you "normal" people to realize about wheelchairs is that it takes a lot of tweaking and adjusting to get just the right fit. Wheelchairs are definitely not "one-size-fits-all" and need to be adjusted depending on a person's limitations and specific needs, so it's nice that they are relatively customizable and adjustable.

The best part about my new wheelchair is the beautiful red coat of paint! My old wheelchair was a dark blue, so I'm glad I decided to go with "candy red" when I picked the color of my new wheelchair. Now she matches my bright red minivan!

I'm going to give myself a few more weeks to get used to my new wheelchair just to make sure I'm completely satisfied/comfortable, but as soon as I get to that point I'm going to donate my old wheelchair. There are so many disabled people in the world (especially in third world countries and in other places around the world with a high poverty level and I know that there's someone out there who's life will dramatically change for the better when they get my old chair! Click here to check out an extremely inspiring video!

This Week

There are some things that I've been meaning to mention in my blog that have happened in the past week, but I kept forgetting, so I will lump them all into one post.

Albert Pujols: (or poo holes as my voice dictation software phonetically interprets the name) In case you're wondering who Pujols is, he's (or should I say WAS) a member of the St. Louis Cardinals baseball team until last Thursday when he signed a new contract with the Anaheim Angels. You might be wondering why this is such a big deal since players get signed/traded all the time, but it's a big deal since Pujols was a member of MY city's baseball team.

What do I think about all of this? Well, it probably makes me sound un-American or at least "un-St. Louis-ian" of me to admit that I don't really care all that much. HOWEVER, I was really hoping that Pujols would decide to stay in St. Louis. Call me crazy, but I really value loyalty and put a lot of stock in loyal people, especially when there might've been a better financial deal on the table (as in Pujols' case). I'm not sure what details/factors ultimately "sealed the deal," but money was a huge contributing factor, I'm sure.

I was hoping that Pujols would choose to be a St. Louis Cardinal his entire baseball career. I thought it would be a neat legacy to have attached to his name that he could've signed a deal that would've been more financially profitable, but instead he took a slightly lower deal in favor of loyalty. Again, I don't know all of the details that went into Pujols' decision, so I'll just say, "Albert, thank you for all of your hard work as a Cardinal, and I wish you well as an Angel!"

Jerry Sandusky: for anyone living under a rock that doesn't know who Sandusky is, he's a former Penn State football coach who's been in the news for the past six or eight weeks as more and more victims have been coming out saying that Sandusky sexually molested them. Of cours Sandusky is maintaining his innocence, it's pretty clear that he's "guilty as sin" as my mom would always say. It's sad that he used his position to hurt so many boys. I'm glad he finally got caught after so many years because he probably thought that after getting away with it for so long he would get away with it forever. (Although I do have to say that even if he went his whole life and never got caught, he would/will eventually have to pay we he faces God.)

Rod Blagojecich: Rod (or "Blago" as he's commonly referred to in the media) is a former governor from Illinois that was sentenced to 14 years in federal prison last week for conspiracy to commit mail fraud/solicitation of bribery. What it basically boils down to is that he tried to sell Barack Obama's vacant Senate seat after Obama was elected president. Why are some people so cocky/pompeous to think that they don't have to abide by the same laws/rules as everyone else? They are either too rich and/or too powerful to care and they think they're above the law. What really bothered me about Rod was that instead of saying something like, "I wasn't doing anything wrong, but I can see how it would appear that I was." Instead he was constantly going on different TV interviews and joking about his situation, and he was even a contestant on the reality show Celebrity Apprentice. He never seemed to show any remorse/humility until he was found guilty and knew that there was a good chance he would be going to prison. He asked the judge to show him leniency, but the judge gave him 14 years which made me glad.

I don't know what it is about Illinois in particular, but they've had an especially bad track record when it comes to their politicians. With Rod being sentenced to prison last week, that makes him the fourth governor from Illinois to serve time in federal prison in the past 40 years. No wonder they call Chicago "the Windy City!"

It's too bad that there are so many corrupt politicians these days. It makes it really hard to be able to trust anyone, and it's sad that we've almost come to expect that politicians these days will have at least some sort of scandal or something that they are less than truthful about. I've said it before and I'll say it again – I'm sure our founding fathers are rolling over in their graves as they watch from above at what's happening to our political system!

Pearl Harbor: 70 Years Later

Yesterday was the 70^th anniversary of  the attacks on Pearl Harbor. I might not have been alive when Pearl Harbor was attacked, but I WAS alive on 9|11. I was 17 years old and a senior in high school, so I was old enough to understand what was going on and I remember it well. My high school English teacher, Mr. Brown, really put the magnitude of what had happened that morning into a context that I could understand when he likened it to Pearl Harbor. What had happened was so fresh that I hadn't been able to think of it in those terms.

Now that 10 years has come and gone since that day, I realize my teacher was very accurate with his statement because 9|11 IS today's "Pearl Harbor." I think about my nieces and nephews (most of whom weren't even born yet) and how they will never know a world pre-9|11. The world is definitely a more dangerous/cautious place than it was before the 9|11 attacks.

When my mom and I were watching the news coverage about Pearl Harbor and how that was a different era, she asked me if I think they'll make a big deal about the 70^th anniversary of 9|11 when it rolls around in 2071. I told her that I assumed that they will (if the world hasn't come to an end by then!). I also found myself wondering what other major attacks will have have transpired in the world by that time, because the world is only becoming a more wicked and scary place!

Chrissy

I want to preface my post today by saying it is written out of love and respect. Earlier this year I received an e-mail from one of my blog followers and she told me about another blog she enjoyed reading that's written by a fellow quadriplegic. She thought I might enjoy it, too. I was very grateful to have this blog address passed on to me, because I enjoy reading the blogs of other paralyzed people to see what their lives are like and how they are either similar to or different than mine.

I immediately went to this new blog Life; Paralyzed (written by Chrissy*) and I got "sucked in." (Sometimes I stumble upon various blogs and I'm immediately intrigued, so then I want to read everything they've ever written so that I can learn more about them.) I spent several hours reading Chrissy's blog that evening, and I very much enjoyed reading her posts because they were well-written and I could relate to her feelings and experiences on many levels.

[*Chrissy is a few years older than I am, but was injured a few years after I was. I think her accident was in 2005 and she was around the age of 25 when she became paralyzed.]

I didn't have to read long, however, before I noticed that we DID differ in one very big and important way. Chrissy is admittedly a very bitter and angry person. Her long blog posts are filled with anguish as she candidly writes in-depth about the anger, frustration, depression and utter desperation she feels as she faces the challenges of living a disabled life. She asks questions like:

• Why me?
• Is there a God, and if there is, then why did He let this happen to me?! 
• I was a good person! Why won't God cure my paralysis?
• I didn't deserve this; how much longer will I have to suffer?
• I don't think I believe in God, but what if He is real?
• What will happen to my soul?
• Is there an afterlife?

My heart broke for Chrissy because I could feel her desperation as I read her words. I decided to leave a comment on Chrissy's blog since I know how much I enjoy getting comments from my readers. I basically just introduced myself, briefly told her about my car accident and how I came to be paralyzed. I went on to tell her a little bit about my day-to-day life, and how my life has been impacted since becoming disabled. I also assured Chrissy that there is most definitely a God and that He loves her. I said something like, "You may not know this, but I know." I couldn't really find the right words to convey the point I was trying to get across, but I was trying to say, "You're asking questions that I  know the answers to! I want to share my knowledge with you because my knowledge of God and His son, Jesus Christ, is priceless to me and makes all of the struggles and pain and discouragement and heartbreak and disappointment worth it!" *I can't imagine not knowing with a surety that this life is not the "end-all and be-all." Life goes on after ANY life-altering accident, loss, trauma, etc. It goes on both here on earth AND into the eternities.

Chrissy would also write extensively about wanting the legal right to end her own life if she chose to. She was always advocating for disabled people, like us, and how we should have the legal right to make that decision for ourselves. The Lord has blessed me with a gift of joy, which I am incredibly grateful for, because without it, there's a good chance that I might be viewing life the way Chrissy does.

Chrissy was truly suffering mind, body and spirit. I have to give her high praise for doing as well as she did with the struggles she had. She was always in so much physical pain as she suffered with things that commonly plague paralyzed people, like autonomic dysreflexia. Never having experienced AD myself, I don't know how it feels or how it manifests in her daily life, but I DO know enough about it to know that Chrissy was in a tremendous amount of physical pain... every day. If you've ever been sick, then you know how hard it is to be cheerful and positive when you are hurting.

In order to make a very long story a bit shorter, I'll try to summarize the rest of the story. I always felt so badly for Chrissy and I wished that there was something I could do to help her. All I could realistically do was pray for her, so I did. God's given me a gift of joy, but if it weren't for that, there's a chance that I might have Chrissy's attitude. I wanted to share my joy with her.

I started following Chrissy's blog from that first day I heard about it, and I really enjoyed reading her posts. One day I was a little surprised to see a blog post she had written entitled "Paralyzed Without Joy" My immediate thought was, "Uh-oh, this can't be good!" So, of course, I immediately went and read her post. I was stunned to find that I was heavily referenced in Chrissy's post, and let's just say that they weren't glowing remarks! The gist of what happened is that she basically saw the comment I'd initially left on her blog that first night. Chrissy basically blew my comment off and chalked it up to me being some sort of "religious fanatic." That's fine, I AM religious (and proud of it!), although I definitely wouldn't qualify myself as a "fanatic." Chrissy went on to ridicule me and said how I must be insane for actually having a blog entitled "Paralyzed with Joy!", etc., etc. At first I was so taken aback that someone that didn't even know me would judge me harshly and unfairly (and inaccurately, I might add), but those feelings dissipated after several minutes and I was just filled with compassion and empathy. All I could do was feel even more pity for Chrissy than ever.

I experienced many emotions in the next few minutes after I read her post and I knew I had several options. I could retaliate right away and leave a nasty comment on her blog. The thought never crossed my mind, though, because Chrissy has had enough pain without me rubbing salt in her wounds. My next choice was to do nothing, but I didn't want to take this approach, either. I could always make a nasty post about her on my blog, but that's not my style, and I definitely didn't want to start a war of words, especially over something so trivial as the way two different paralyzed women cope with life. So, after thinking about it, I decided to make a comment that truly came from my heart. After all, in her blog post she even went as far as to admit that she was actually envious of me for being able to live joyfully since it was something she desperately strove for, but was unable to achieve.

I decided to leave this comment: "Chrissy, I read your post and enjoyed hearing your thoughts about the similarities and differences we share. No two accidents/injuries are alike, as you know, so I'm glad there are "different strokes for different folks" if you know what I mean.

"Sometimes it's interesting to think about why things happen, and how one person can break their neck and walk away from the accident, while someone else breaks her neck and is paralyzed for life. Or how someone else can feel content with their situation while someone else is completely miserable. I agree with you that people need to be open-minded of other people's situations since we don't know what their life is like. Hopefully you can respect my acceptance of my paralysis, just like I validate your feelings and would accept your decision to end your life if/when you choose to.

"I'm glad you wrote this post because I know it will give "food for thought" to other people, just like it did for me. I always wonder what the lives of other paralyzed people are like, what they think about, experience and how they feel, so reading this post was insightful." 

After leaving my comment I felt good about it, so I know I made the right choice. 

More summarizing to save time… a few people commented that they thought Chrissy was out of line for calling me out on her blog. It probably was in poor taste, but I didn't fault her for it because I knew it stemmed from her own personal demons, and she wasn't intending to be malicious. I truly think that she was just incredulous and bewildered that someone in her situation—actually, I'm more paralyzed than she is, since I'm paralyzed from the neck down, and she has partial use of her arms—could actually not only be happy, but filled with joy. She made a follow-up comment after mine saying that she really appreciated my gracious response, so that made me happy. There were no hard feelings.

The reason I'm finally writing about all of this is because two days ago I found out that Chrissy died on December 1. I don't really know many of the details, but I think she started refusing her medications two months ago, as well as food, and she'd drink very low volumes of water. I was saddened by the news of her passing, and my heart goes out to Chrissy's family and friends. I'm happy that Chrissy was finally able to die, since it's what she had been wanting for so long.

The thing that really saddened me about Chrissy and her situation was that she put so much energy into being angry and bitter and trying to find ways to legally end her life without involving other people. I just can't help but think what she could've accomplished in her life if she had lived, even if she was paralyzed. She was extremely talented, a great writer, and a wonderful artist. She could've touched so many more lives in more profound and positive ways, if she would've harnessed that energy and let it fuel some sort of passion and drive. Sadly, I think it was a missed opportunity on her part, although, I'm not trying to judge. It was ultimately her decision, and I DO respect it, just like I said I would.

Chrissy, go with God, you are now at peace. I'm sure we will meet in the hereafter and use our perfected bodies to embrace. Rest in peace.