15 | "Silver" Anniversary

Today marks the 15th anniversary of my car accident, which means I've been paralyzed for 15 years. 15 years is a long time! I'm calling this my "silver" anniversary.

A couple years ago I read an article in Meridian (an online magazine) with an analogy comparing the trials and sufferings of mortal life to the process a silversmith uses to rid silver of impurities. This excerpt is kind of long, but worth the read:

In Malachi 3:3 we are told that the Lord “shall sit as a refiner and purifier of silver.” There are some great lessons here for us. For centuries, silversmiths would put broken, crushed ore into a fiery furnace and turn up the heat to melt off the impurities. Are we not broken, rough, and filled with impurities?

Silver experts knew which impurities would melt off at which temperatures. And the refiner had to be vigilant and watch carefully, because if the temperature got too high, the silver could be ruined. This is exactly how the Lord watches over us, with constant attention to the details of our lives. He knows every pain, every sorrow you feel—in fact, he took those upon himself in atoning for us. He also will not allow us to be tried beyond our ability to withstand it, if we turn to him for help.

But one of the most beautiful analogies in this process is how a silversmith knows when the silver is done—he sees his reflection in it. And Christ will see his reflection in us when all our impurities have melted away, and we have truly given our hearts to him.

When harsh challenges arise, we still have a choice. We can be as a wisp of paper thrown into a fire and quickly consumed, or we can choose to be silver, and allow that trial to refine us, and make us into something better than we were. We can sink into despair and self-pity, adopting the victim role, or we can be fearless and faithful, determined to triumph.

James E. Faust once said, “Here then is a great truth. In the pain, the agony, and the heroic endeavors of life, we pass through a refiner’s fire, and the insignificant and the unimportant in our lives can melt away like dross and make our faith bright, intact, and strong. In this way the divine image can be mirrored from the soul. It is part of the purging toll exacted of some to become acquainted with God. In the agonies of life, we seem to listen better to the faint, godly whisperings of the Divine Shepherd.”

If you are struggling with a problem (or several) right now, ask yourself: Am I going to be paper or silver? We get to choose.

So often people look at their less-than-ideal, challenging, or unfair circumstances and they just get bitter and angry, and fail to use it as a springboard for growth. Anger and bitterness are normal reactions, of course, and they are justified for a time, but after a while you just have to accept things and make lemonade out of the lemons life has dealt you. With the Lord's help, I have allowed the challenges I've experienced as a result of becoming paralyzed to shape me into a better person than I was in my pre-paralysis life. There's truly nothing like adversity to expedite personal growth! For this reason, I'm so grateful for my accident and all it has helped me become. I've always maintained that the worst thing to happen to me physically, was the best thing to happen to me spiritually and emotionally, and I'd never change things if it meant forgoing all of that growth.

So the next time something bad happens to you, just consider it your own time to become a little less like paper, and a little more like silver. 

Regrets

Sometimes people say that they don't regret anything about their life. They don't regret any of the choices they've made, things they've done, etc. I'm not one of those people, because the truth is that I do regret some of the things I've done in my life. Some of my regrets are bigger than others and I could definitely make a list of the things I regret since it's hard to forget the things you've done wrong and feel badly about. Instead I try to use those things as a reminder to do better and be better. (Usually easier said than done!)

Sometimes I wonder why it's so hard for us to forgive ourselves, but I think that's one of the tactics that Satan tries to get us to feel badly about ourselves/our efforts and give up. I know I'm not perfect and will continue to make mistakes, but if I keep trying to improve and be the best person I can be, that's what matters.

Service: it's the Lord's way

Yesterday in church we had a lesson about service that was really good. Here are a few points about service that I wanted to talk about on my blog.

– Through the service of men and women, God's work is done. God does notice us, and He watches over us. But it is usually through another person that He meets our needs.A lot of people pray and ask God for the things they need, but chances are that God isn't going to show up at our front door. Instead, He answers our prayers and fills our needs by sending other people into our lives to help us.

– If we have special talents, we should use them to serve others. God blesses us with talents and abilities to help improve the lives of others.After I heard this it made me stop and think what I can do to bless the lives of others.

– When we willingly serve others in the spirit of love, we become more like Christ.I love knowing this because I know I want to become more like Christ. The more I become like Christ the better a person I will be.

I was thankful for this lesson and for the reminder just how important serving others is.

"Verily I say unto you, inasmuch as ye have done it unto one of the least of these my brethren, ye have done it unto me." Matthew 25:40

My life's mission

I've been blogging since July of 2009 and I love it! At first I wasn't sure what I would write about and if anyone would read my blog or not, but it's really taken off in the past 19 months. I write about all sorts of things, both serious and funny, like my personal experiences, my thoughts about different things, current events, pop culture – pretty much anything that strikes my fancy!

One of the features on the Blogger website is the "stats" button where the author of the blog can click on it and find out how many page views their blog has had, where the traffic to their blog comes from, and things like that. As of this morning, here are how many views my blog has had (not counting my own visits to my blog), and where they've come from:
United States: 12,288
United Kingdom: 1088
Canada: 606
Netherlands: 471
Germany: 334
Australia: 213
Italy: 205
Israel: 134
Taiwan: 122
Spain: 82

Can this really be true?! On one hand it's hard for me to believe that people all over the world are reading my blog, especially in places like Israel, Taiwan, etc., but on the other hand if it's on the stats page, it's gotta be true, right? I guess I'll believe it until I find out otherwise, even though it's hard for me to wrap my mind around. I just wonder where these people in foreign countries find my blog!

Regardless of if it's true or not, I really feel like blogging is part of my life's mission. A lot of people tell me how inspiring I am, but I always cringe when I hear this because my intentions are not that I'm trying to inspire people. I'm just trying to let people know that when tragedy strikes and your life suddenly changes from what you always hoped and dreamed it would be, that it's possible to still be happy and find joy. That's all. But I guess if people want to call me inspiring, I'll take it as a high compliment and try to do my best to live up to the praise.

I don't feel like I'm doing anything noble or extreme, I just feel like I'm doing what I can to be like Jesus. I always think that if Jesus could put up with all of the things that He did and still hold His head up high, then I can certainly live my life with a smile on my face since my life isn't nearly as difficult as Jesus' was.

I pray every day that the Lord will bless me that I might be able to write in a way to touch the hearts of others.

Restless night

I had a terrible night's sleep last night because I could not fall asleep!! Part of the reason was that I was in a lot of pain. When you're paralyzed one of the side effects is neuropathic pain, which essentially is nerve pain that is hard for the average person to understand, unless you have actually experienced it firsthand. My hands and feet hurt so badly and my muscles kept twitching, which was as equally annoying as the pain. As soon as I would settle down a little bit, the twitching in my triceps would flare up again, which in turn would cause my feet to shake. It was so annoying! I finally drifted off to sleep some time between 3 and 4 AM, and then I stayed asleep until about 6:30 AM.

This pattern of sleep used to be my life after my accident, and it's only been in the recent year or two that I've started sleeping better at night. I don't want to risk jinxing myself, but I'm grateful that I've started sleeping more peacefully most nights. Restless nights are so frustrating!

I've always had trouble sleeping. When I was little girl it would take me forever to fall asleep! I wondered why my sister Laura who I shared a room with for a few years could be sleeping peacefully while I was wide awake! My sleeping troubles haven't ever really gone away (although they've been better lately, like I said earlier). I've always wished I could be the type of person who could fall asleep as soon as your head hits the pillow. My sister Chandra is one of these people. She lies down and she's out – virtually dead to the world!

I always try to look for the good in every situation, no matter how frustrating or how bleak it might seem. Last night while I was awake it was a good time to think; to "count my blessings," so to speak. I really am incredibly blessed! I might not have everything I want, but I definitely have everything I need and I'm so thankful for that. I'm also so thankful to the Lord for taking such good care of me. The Lord is always there watching out for us, and even though we can't see Him, he's always there. I don't think most people realize just how invested the Lord is in our lives. It hurts me when I hear people say that the Lord doesn't know them or doesn't care about them, because this just isn't the case! I wish everyone could be as confident as I am that the Lord is there! He loves us and he wants the best for us. I think it's important for people to realize that just because the Lord doesn't intervene and solve all of our problems, it doesn't mean that He isn't there or that He doesn't love us. There's always something to learn from our trials, and we can't do that if the Lord comes in and fixes everything.

Anyway, I suppose a few sleepless nights here and there are a small price to pay if it means that my testimony and conviction in the Lord is renewed and made stronger!

Parting is such sorrow

I've recently lost several people who are very important to me. I'm not sure what the expression "parting is such sweet sorrow" is supposed to mean because there hasn't been anything sweet about parting with people that I love and adore.

My sister Kristin and her family left on Tuesday for Ridgecrest, California, where Kristin's husband Scott found a job that he's very excited about. When Kristin moved here this past summer I was sure that Scott would find a job in St. Louis, or at the very least somewhere in the Midwest so that we could be relatively close to each other. This isn't how things have turned out at all! On one hand I'm so excited that Scott has found a job since he's been looking for over a year, however, on the other hand I'm so sad for myself because I'll have to say goodbye to Kristin and her family. Kristin is one of the best people I know! It She's kind and thoughtful, talented in so many ways and just plain wonderful all around. I'm also going to miss her kids. She has four boys ages six and under and they are so much fun. I've loved getting to know them better. They crack me up and I love seeing their creativity. They've taught us all things about super heroes, video games, Star Wars, playing the Wii, etc.

I also had to say goodbye to my dear friend Nathan earlier this month. I met Nate 2 1/2 years ago when he moved to St. Louis to go to orthodontic school at St. Louis University. We've been friends from the start and have shared so many fun times with each other. I don't know if/when I'll be able to see him again since he's taken a job in Tucson, Arizona. I wish all of the best for him and his new life in Tucson!

I'm thankful that the Lord sees fit to bless us all with wonderful friends and family members that enrich us and fill our lives with joy!

So strange I had to look it up

I keep seeing TV commercials for something called Smoke Assist, and the TV commercial seem so silly and weird that I had to look it up to see what it was all about. Apparently you get something that looks like a cigarette, but instead of smoking nicotine you only smoke water vapor. On one hand it would be a lot better to just be smoking water vapor rather than nicotine, but if it were me, I would feel really silly smoking a "fake" cigarette at the office or in a no-smoking establishment. I can only imagine the looks that others would give you. Still, though, I would much rather have people smoking water vapor than nicotine, so if this helped someone kick the nicotine habit, I would be all for it, even if it looked strange.

I don't understand the addiction to nicotine since I've never been a smoker, but I know that it truly is an addiction that is hard to quit once you are hooked.

Here is the link for the website (and it plays the hokey TV commercial for you):
http://www.smokeassist.com/?MID=633729

A few things I love

Facebook! This sounds weird, and a few years ago I would've never thought I would ever join Facebook, let alone admit I love it, but I do love it. Here's why: the great thing about Facebook is that I'm able to keep in touch in a small way with people I normally wouldn't keep in touch with like casual acquaintances, old friends and people who I'd intend to keep in touch with, but ultimately wouldn't since life is hectic and things always seem to get in the way. It's nice to be able to keep an eye on people from a distance so that I still know what's going on with them, even though I'm not actively calling them up or seeing them on a regular basis.

Blogging! Writing a blog is also something I never thought I'd do, but just like being on Facebook, I find that I'm eating my words! I absolutely love blogging. I never really enjoyed writing growing up, but now I find that I really love writing about myself and my activities, of all topics! I love it when people tell me that they enjoy my blog and when they give me feedback about different things I've shared.

Christmas commercials! I love when seasonal TV commercials come on the air, usually around Halloween. Things just get better when Thanksgiving ends and then the airwaves are bombarded with Christmas commercials! However, the joy I experience from seasonal and/or Christmas commercials turns to sadness the day after Christmas when all of the Christmas commercials are suddenly pulled from the airwaves! I'm weird, I know!

An exciting phrase!

My family has started listening to Christmas music this past week and it's especially been fun to listen to my little nephews sing along to their favorite songs. We've had Christmas music playing all morning, so that's why this has been on my mind. It's hard for me to single out one song as my favorite, but if I had to choose it would probably be O Holy Night. And I would probably choose Josh Groban's rendition of this song as my favorite. Here's a link to listen to Josh Groban's O Holy Night if you want to listen:
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=uNUL4Vv8k1s

My favorite words in the song are "a thrill of hope." It's only part of a line, actually, but I just love that phrase because it sounds so exciting and like something really great is just around the corner.

Anyway, I just wanted to put this thought on my blog. I'm so glad Christmas is right around the corner!

I love Tyler Perry!

I love Tyler Perry! I think he is such an awesome person. I recently saw an interview with him on Oprah, and it made me love him even more. Tyler seems like such a genuinely nice guy. One thing that I learned from this interview was that he was horribly abused by his father when he was a child. But even though he was abused for years, he financially supports his father, even though his father has no remorse for what he did. I was so impressed when I learned this, and I think it shows a lot about Tyler's character.

I love watching Tyler Perry's movies because I think they are so funny! My favorite is probably Diary of a Mad Black Woman. It was the first Tyler Perry movie I ever saw, and I thought it was so funny. I watched it with my younger sister Chandra and we just laughed and laughed! She especially likes his movies because she can relate to and appreciate the black humor since she is black.

I know I'll most likely never have the opportunity to meet Tyler Perry, but if I did, I would tell him how much I like him! I know it sounds cliché, but I really do love his work, and I admire how he seems to remain down to earth even though he's extremely successful.

Long walk home

I have a funny story that I wanted to write about. This incident happened on Tuesday, June 18, 2002; the day before my 18th birthday. I'd just been promoted the previous Friday to an associate manager at the movie theater where I'd worked since my 16th birthday. I was the manager in charge of closing that night, so I was the last one to leave the theater. My mom was out of town visiting one of my sisters, and since I didn't have my own car yet I was depending on friends to take me to and from work while she was gone. (I usually drove her car to work, but since she was gone I wasn't able to.)

Anyway, my boyfriend was supposed to pick me up from work and take me home that night, but when I called him he didn't answer his phone. I called him over and over, but he never answered, so I knew that he must've fallen asleep and was "dead to the world." (This was something that had happened before, so that's how I knew that he must've fallen asleep when he wasn't answering his cell phone.)

It must've been about one in the morning and I didn't know what to do and I didn't know anyone to call. I decided that I would just have to walk to my boyfriend's house, which was about five miles away. Like I said, it was the middle of the night and I was dressed in my nice work clothes -- a turtleneck sweater and a wool skirt. It was a muggy June night, so I definitely wasn't dressed for my five mile trek, but a girls gotta do what a girls gotta do, right?!

So I set off for my boyfriend's house in the middle of the night dressed in my nice work clothes. The road I was walking on was quite dark at that time of night, so I tried to stay as far off the road as I could to be safe. The edge of the road was very uneven, so I tried to walk slowly and carefully so as to not trip and sprain an ankle, while at the same time walking quickly enough to get to my destination. I think it took me about two hours to walk the approximately five miles, and once I got to my boyfriend's house I had to knock on the door for at least 20 minutes before his sister heard my persistent knocking/doorbell ringing. (My boyfriend's parents weren't home, so it was just my boyfriend and his sister at home.)

My boyfriend naturally felt really badly about falling asleep. I wasn't mad, but I couldn't help but feel annoyed that he irresponsibly fell asleep when he knew that he was my ride home. (I started calling him Rip Van Winkle after this incident.) In my head I vowed that I would never tell my mom what I had done! However, I did tell her several months later.

As I look back on the situation, I realize how stupid I was! So many bad things could've happened, but fortunately nothing did.

Movie #22

My younger sister Chandra and I went to the movies on Saturday afternoon and we saw the new Clint Eastwood movie Hereafter.

Here is a brief synopsis of the movie: Clint Eastwood directs this supernatural thriller about three very different people and their responses to death including a hesitant psychic named George (Matt Damon) who may be able to help the others find answers and peace. Marie is a French journalist who 's caught up in the aftereffects of the devastating 2004 tsunami, while in London, young Marcus seeks to contact his deceased twin brother. (Synopsis from Netflix)

This movie hasn't gotten the best reviews, but I really liked it for a couple of reasons. First of all, I really like Matt Damon because I think he's a really good actor. He's got great range. He's always believable at his portrayal of characters in serious dramas, while at the same time he's able to be so funny in a comedic role.

Next, this movie was really thought-provoking, which is something I always appreciate in a book or movie. Basically, the question that was being asked was, "what happens to you when you die?" I have no doubt happens when you die, and I'm so glad that I do. What would life be like if the life we live on earth was it?! I know that it's possible to survive and conquer any hardship, trial, tragedy or sadness if you have the knowledge and understand the truth that when we die our spirit (who we truly are) lives on forever! There won't be any sicknesses, disabilities or infirmities; we will live in perfect bodies that work and function properly.

We will live with our loved ones. Sometimes when people lose their loved ones too early in life they are overcome with sadness because they don't believe that they will ever see their loved ones again. This is such a depressing thought! I can't imagine having a friend or family member die and think that I will never see them again. Or in my case, I can't imagine how horrible it would be to become paralyzed at 19 like I did and feel like my one shot at living a normal life had been taken away. Trials and tragedies are difficult, don't get me wrong, but if you know that there's so much more to life and living than the life we live on earth, it makes anything bearable!

Another theme that was briefly touched on in the movie is that "death is only the beginning." This concept can seem trite to someone who is in the midst of their heartache, but it really is true. Although earthly life seems hard and unending at times, it's so short if you think eternally!

So what I would say to someone who is unsure of what happens when we die is that it's not just "lights out" and the end of everything; it really is the start of something amazing! If you're unsure, then take my word for it and take solace in knowing that there are wonderful things in store for us!

Hooray for election day!

It's finally election day! I've been waiting for this day for months so that I can finally get relief from all of the awful political tv commercials, political phone calls and things like this. I can't stand political commercials where one opponent is bashing the other, and vice-versa. I'm much more receptive to a political commercial where the candidate is just listing their views and qualifications, but when they get nasty, that's an entirely different thing altogether! Don't they realize this?!

Anyway, all I have to say is thank goodness the election is over!

A touch of irony

In the late 90's my mom started donating money to an organization called Paralyzed Veterans of America. They would send pretty address labels, calendars and greeting cards to thank my mom for her contribution. I thought the address labels were so pretty, so I decided to start donating money to the paralyzed veterans (I was 18 or 19 years old). I think it's funny that a year or so later I became paralyzed! To this day I'm still donating to the paralyzed veterans and will continue to do so, but I think I'll think twice about donating to other organizations in the future.... just kidding!

Halloween conspiracy

I'm sure everyone has seen those jumbo bags of Halloween candy where you get a little of this and a little of that. In theory that's a great idea so that you can get all of your favorite Halloween candies, but finding that perfect bag of candy is easier said than done.

I think there is a conspiracy by the makers of Halloween candy because there is no "perfect" mix of candy. At least in my opinion it always seems like there's something in the bag that you don't really want. So, instead of buying just one bag you have to buy at least two or more to get the kind of candies that matter most to you.

This year I had to make my own mix by buying individual bags of candy (on sale two bags for five dollars) and dumping them all together. It was a hard decision but I decided to buy 100 Grand, Butterfinger, Baby Ruth and Pay Day. I was also going to get Almond Joy, but I put them back because I realized I was buying way too much candy! Milky Way, Snickers and Reeses are all wonderful choices, as well!

Why can't there be one bag with all of the best candies?! No plain M&Ms, Three Musketeers or plain Hershey's bars, please! These are all sub-par candies, in my opinion. There are lots of other sub-par candies that are even worse than these, but I'm not even going to attempt making a list of all the "crummy" candies that I used to be so disappointed to get when trick-or-treating!

How close is too close?

I saw a segment on The Early Show this morning called "How Close Is Too Close?" that I really appreciated. It was about boundaries and people invading your personal space. The truth is, sometimes people unknowingly invade the space of others... we've probably all done it at some time or another.

This is something that is especially important to me since my accident. Sometimes when people talk to me they definitely invade my personal space! Of course it's unintentional, but it's annoying, nonetheless! Normally people can take a step back to distance themselves from the other person when their space is being invaded, but I can't. When someone is talking too close to my face I can't do anything about it except suffer in silence! I think that anything less than two feet is much too close, unless we're very close friends who are exchanging secrets with each other!

While I'm on the same topic, I want to share another one of my pet peeves. Now that I'm in a wheelchair I feel like people who don't know me at all or don't know me very well often talk down to me and treat me like my brain must be handicapped since I'm in a wheelchair! Let me assure you that just because someone is in a wheelchair does not necessarily mean that they are mentally impaired. Sometimes when I'm out in public people talk to my mom instead of me and will say something like, "Does she want this, or does she want that?" instead of asking me directly.

Another thing that bothers me is when people bend over at the waist when they talk to me. Crouching down all the way to the ground is okay, but I don't like it when they bend over at the waist because it always makes me feel like they think I'm a child. Hopefully I'm not sounding mean as I vent about my pet peeves, but since I've been confronted with the same things for the past seven years and will most likely continue to be confronted with the same things for the rest of my life, I can't help but share my feelings!

I know that people aren't meaning to be rude or condescending, but it often feels this way. However, people are usually very nice and sweet for the most part. I imagine that I would probably be unsure of how to approach someone in a wheelchair if I didn't know them, so I definitely don't begrudge people acting the way they do, even if it is occasionally annoying!

Damaged goods

In my last post I wrote about my sadness over not being a mother and knowing that I won't have that opportunity in this life. I also wrote about not liking to write about tender feelings such as this because I don't want to make other people feel uncomfortable, or like I'm coming across as bitter or like I'm trying to get pity from people. Nonetheless I'm going to write about something else that causes me sadness and disappointment. I'm lonely, as I imagine most single people are. What makes these feelings worse is that I know how wonderful I am! At the risk of sounding full of myself, I know that I would be such an amazing wife if I were able-bodied because I'm the type that would want to be the kind of wife who likes to cook and clean, be a stay-at-home mom, run the household and things like that.

However, even though I'm an amazing person on the inside, I don't get a second look in the dating/marriage arena since I'm "damaged" on the outside. I'm basically a dented can of peaches! When you're shopping at the grocery store you pick the beautiful, normal canned goods and disregard the damaged, dented cans, even though what's inside of them is still good! (You know you do!)

I guess if I were to get married it would take a very special person to love me enough to be able to get over the fact that I'm physically "damaged" and to know that we wouldn't have a traditional life/marriage. I suppose they would just have to love the person that I am on the inside enough to realize that one day we WILL have that "normal" life together in the next life when we've both been resurrected.

I'm happy and positive and I truly know how to live joyfully, even in the midst of trials. I guess if somebody would want a happy life and marriage, even if it weren't "traditional," then I would be the girl for them! For now I'm content enough to stay joyous, even if that means being single!

Thoughts about babies and motherhood

Now that I'm at the age where I would be having children if I were married sometimes it hurts to think about not being a mother. There are so many things that I'll never be able to do and experience due to being paralyzed, and this is one of them. Almost every system in a paralyzed person's body is compromised except your reproductive system, so although I could still technically have a baby, I no longer have the desire.

First of all, I physically can't take care of myself, let alone a baby, so if I did have a child people would have to take care of my child as well as myself. This would be even more work for my family, friends and caregivers. Secondly, I would never want a baby that I couldn't hold and take care of myself. It would be excruciatingly painful to witness, especially when the baby was old enough to prefer other people instead of me. I'll just have to wait for the day in my next life when I am able to have children.

Here's a list of some other things related to pregnancy, motherhood and babies that I'm disappointed that I'll never be able to experience:

• Making the decision with my husband about how many children we want and deciding when it's time to start our family.
• Finding out the exciting news that I'm pregnant and telling my husband and family.
• Experiencing the changes that pregnancy bring to your body, both good and bad.
• Feeling the baby move inside me.
• Finding out the sex of the baby, whether I chose to have an ultrasound or wait for the delivery of the baby. (I don't know which I would choose because I think it would be so neat to wait until the delivery to find out the sex of the baby, but on the other hand, it would be so hard for me to be patient for nine months!)
• Experiencing child birth. I know it sounds crazy, but I think I would want to try natural childbirth at least once simply for the fact that I would want to know what women have gone through for thousands of years. Of course I've never been in labor, but I think I could/would do it. :)
• Experiencing that first mother/baby connection where your eyes meet and you realize that you've never loved anything more.
• Choosing a name for the baby. Baby names are one of my favorite topics to talk about with people; I think it would be so fun to be able to name a child.
• Being able to nurse my baby.
• Having a child that resembles my husband or myself, or was a mixture of the two of us. I would really want a little girl that looked like me. :)
• Being able to watch my child change and grow, develop and learn new things.
• Being able to teach my child things. I think this would be so exciting to know that I was the one who helped them learn whatever the skill was.

I hesitate to share these tender feelings, because I never want to come across as a bitter person, or like I'm trying to get pity from others. And I don't want my readers to feel uncomfortable. However, these are normal, natural feelings that I have, so I feel like it's okay to acknowledge them and write about them. I want people to know that I'm still human, even though I'm usually outstandingly joyful.

Politics, political commercials and politicians

I'm wondering if anyone out there is as discussed as I am with political commercials! First of all, politics are something that I really can't stand! Maybe it's because I don't really understand politics, but politicians always seem so nasty and are always just out for "number one!" I get so annoyed when I'm constantly bombarded with nasty political commercials every time I tune into the television! One politician is always slamming another, and it's so disgusting! I don't really claim to be a member of one political party or another, although I am a conservative person. However, there are very few, if any, political commercials that I approve of. (I definitely couldn't say, " I'm Heather Johnson and I approve this message!)

If I were to see a political commercial where the candidate was just listing their views and concerns without ridiculing their running mate I would be far more in favor of them than if they were criticizing someone else. Why are the people that make political commercials so daft that they don't realize this?! We might not agree, but can't we just respectfully agree to disagree?! It's really infuriating!

I have to admit that I can't remember that much about the specific aspects of our founding fathers and government, (I've been out of school too long!) however, I'm sure that they would be disgusted with our current politicians and the road that our government and law system has taken in the past 100 years or so. They're probably rolling over in their graves with embarrassment, thinking something like, "That is not how we set up our government; that is not how our government is supposed to work!"

All right, I'll get off my soapbox now, but my feathers were ruffled and I just had to get a few things off my chest! (And for the record, I heard no fewer than 10 political commercials in the few minutes it took to write this post.) When will the election be over?!!

I'm in love!

I recently mentioned that my sister Kristin and her family came to live with my mom and me earlier this month while her husband looks for a job. Kristin has four boys and it's been so fun to get to know them, especially since I really didn't know them at all before this summer. I don't have much experience with little boys, (or a least I didn't before this summer) but it's been so wonderful to be around these little boys. They're sure different from my nieces, which is what I'm used to since my two oldest sisters each have four girls. The way the boys play and the way they interact with each other and with me is so different from the way girls play and interact with each other. I always thought I preferred girls over boys, but now I have to admit that I'm completely impartial! I love my little nephews so much and I feel so blessed to be able to have four of them living with me for a little while. On that same note...

School started last week, and Kristin's oldest son Kaleb started first grade. It was unexpectedly hard for school to start because I really miss Kaleb being around all day. This must be what moms experience when their kids start back to school each year. It's getting better now, but it was just so different those first few days of school last week. I just like having all the boys around all the time!