Thursday, June 28, 2012

The Windows to the Soul of a Brown-Eyed Girl

They say that the eyes are the "windows to the soul" so today's post starts with eyes. I've always been envious of people with blue or green eyes; the kind of eyes where when you look at someone and their eyes just stand out because they are so striking. I've always wished for those kind of eyes, but sadly, these were the eyes I  was born with:
Plain, old brown eyes that are ordinary and boring. Personally, I've always thought that brown eyes are the least attractive/desirable of all the eye colors. What would I look like with blue eyes or green? Would it help to give me a more striking, attractive appearance? I've always wondered, but I guess I'll never know. (The grass is always greener, right?!)

The reason I'm wondering is because I've always felt like a bit of a "plain Jane" with an average, ordinary, forgettable face. Sure, I was pretty enough, but there wasn't anything unique about me to make my appearance memorable or anything out of the ordinary.

Since my accident I've adapted well, but one of the things that has been difficult is my struggle to be happy with my physical appearance. If only I could go back now and look the way I used to! I long for the way I used to look, which is kind of ironic since I was never content with my looks back then. I just hate the toll that paralysis has taken on my body/appearance. Aside from the obvious fact that I can't move, the things that bother me are relatively small things that I'm probably the only one that notices. Why is it so easy for us to be our own worst critics?!

A lot of times when my mom gets me ready to go out in public I'll look in the mirror and say, "I look ugly." My mom always reassures me that I look fine and I'll say, "But I feel ugly." That's when my mom says, "Heather, all you have to do is smile," which usually makes me laugh. However, I don't think that simply smiling is enough to take me to a 10 when I'm feeling like a 5. 

Mom just might be onto something, though, because people often tell me what a beautiful smile I have. I definitely don't think there's anything especially nice about my smile itself, but I think when I smile my inner beauty shines forth and is evident to others. I guess I just need to trust Mom when she tells me I look nice because that inner beauty is hard to see when looking in the mirror. I wish I could see myself the way others see me, instead of noticing all of the things that I don't like.

So why am I bringing all of this up? It's definitely not a cry for compliments. It's because I think this is something a lot of people will be able to relate to. Feelings of ugliness, being inadequate or not measuring up are some of the tactics Satan uses to make people feel miserable (because that's how he feels). We are all God's creations and are beautiful, special and unique to Him and He loves us just the way we are. I need to remember this, especially when those ugly feelings pop into my mind.


Kendra said...

Oh yes, I know these feelings well! Pressure on women especially is enormous. Speaking of eye color, though, I have blue eyes and have always preferred dark. I suppose the grass always looks greener on the other side, so thank you for the reminder that we are all perfect the way we are!

Anne said...

Thank you so much for this wonderful, thought-provoking post, Heather. I have to tell you, I have ALWAYS wanted brown eyes and I think your eyes are beautiful. I have green eyes, by the way. Isn't it funny, as Kendra said above, that we always play the "grass is greener" game. Thank you so much for reminding us all of the importance of gratitude in our lives. God bless,
Anne in Ireland

jamie @ [kreyv] said...

I agree. We are definitely our own worst critics. We need to stop it! And, btw, I agree with your mom, all we need to do is smile! You do have a beautiful smile!

Anonymous said...

Hey Heather,

Love, love, love this post because it is something we can all relate to. Smiling is a great way to change the dynamic of your face-everyone looks better when they do it! I have always longed for a tall, thin frame and evnied women that had them. However, the older I get I've come to like my curves and realize that my Italian and Hispanic roots don't lend themselves to "skinny"...oh well, most days I love the way I look and I accept that some days I'm going to feel, fat-ugly-freckly and so on. This is life and EVERYONE struggles with the same issues. You look beautiful just the way you are, girl....keep smiling!

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