Thursday, September 15, 2011

Recurring Dreams

I've had many types of recurring dreams since my accident. I had another one of these dreams last night. It's the kind of recurring dream that I love having. I was simply shopping at the mall, trying on clothing. I was a normal, able-bodied girl doing one of my favorite things.

I seriously have dreams like this all the time where I'm shopping, picking out clothes to wear, or I'm doing my hair and makeup and making myself look pretty. I'm not quite sure why I have this kind of dream so often, but maybe it's because I really miss this aspect of my life. I was always such a girly girl. I loved shopping, I loved wearing nice clothes, I loved looking pretty and put together.

Now I feel like when people look at me they see a disabled girl who looks good for her condition. (I DO agree that I look good for someone in a wheelchair as paralysis has a way of making normal people look stiff and unnatural.) However, I don't want to just look good for a disabled person, I to be attractive period, not just in spite of being disabled. Make sense? I know I'm complaining and I should just count my blessings that I'm as healthy and normal looking as I am, but sometimes it's hard to let go of what I once was and will never be again. Knowing that my physical prime was at 19 is a hard pill to swallow sometimes.

Now I've gotten off subject. It's always an exciting night when I'm doing fun things in my dreams!

3 comments:

Miki said...

hello Heather. i totally understand what you are saying how you feel. It really makes sense to me, Heather.

Tina said...

Heather,

I love your candid posts. All of us feel icky about ourselves sometimes. You definitely have earned the right to feel bad sometimes, but I hope you know that when I see you in your pictures I see a very pretty girl, wheelchair or not.

Love,

Your Utah Friend

Tina

jamie @ [kreyv] said...

Your blog is one of my faves, so I nominated it for "The "Versatile Blogger" award. Please see my blog on Monday for details! Thanks for being one of my favorite reads!

Jamie
http://tocrave.blogspot.com/

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