Monday, February 7, 2011

Restless night

I had a terrible night's sleep last night because I could not fall asleep!! Part of the reason was that I was in a lot of pain. When you're paralyzed one of the side effects is neuropathic pain, which essentially is nerve pain that is hard for the average person to understand, unless you have actually experienced it firsthand. My hands and feet hurt so badly and my muscles kept twitching, which was as equally annoying as the pain. As soon as I would settle down a little bit, the twitching in my triceps would flare up again, which in turn would cause my feet to shake. It was so annoying! I finally drifted off to sleep some time between 3 and 4 AM, and then I stayed asleep until about 6:30 AM.

This pattern of sleep used to be my life after my accident, and it's only been in the recent year or two that I've started sleeping better at night. I don't want to risk jinxing myself, but I'm grateful that I've started sleeping more peacefully most nights. Restless nights are so frustrating!

I've always had trouble sleeping. When I was little girl it would take me forever to fall asleep! I wondered why my sister Laura who I shared a room with for a few years could be sleeping peacefully while I was wide awake! My sleeping troubles haven't ever really gone away (although they've been better lately, like I said earlier). I've always wished I could be the type of person who could fall asleep as soon as your head hits the pillow. My sister Chandra is one of these people. She lies down and she's out – virtually dead to the world!

I always try to look for the good in every situation, no matter how frustrating or how bleak it might seem. Last night while I was awake it was a good time to think; to "count my blessings," so to speak. I really am incredibly blessed! I might not have everything I want, but I definitely have everything I need and I'm so thankful for that. I'm also so thankful to the Lord for taking such good care of me. The Lord is always there watching out for us, and even though we can't see Him, he's always there. I don't think most people realize just how invested the Lord is in our lives. It hurts me when I hear people say that the Lord doesn't know them or doesn't care about them, because this just isn't the case! I wish everyone could be as confident as I am that the Lord is there! He loves us and he wants the best for us. I think it's important for people to realize that just because the Lord doesn't intervene and solve all of our problems, it doesn't mean that He isn't there or that He doesn't love us. There's always something to learn from our trials, and we can't do that if the Lord comes in and fixes everything.

Anyway, I suppose a few sleepless nights here and there are a small price to pay if it means that my testimony and conviction in the Lord is renewed and made stronger!


Tina said...


You are a doll! You always try to find the good in everything. I wish I had more of your positive attitude.

Love Your Utah Friend,


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